R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Women….Get Some!

Okay my followers I’m back with a new topic. You all know that I’m a strong advocate for women’s rights and how women feel and think. In no way am I trying to push my thoughts and way of doing things on anybody but I do feel that I can voice my opinion.

First, sex and love.
Gosh we have seen this run around haven’t we. Girl likes guy. Guy isn’t fully interested in girl. Girl offers sex to guy. Guy sleeps with girl. Guy leaves girl. Girl doesn’t understand why guy doesn’t want a relationship with her. I have seen this vicious cycle before and heard about it even more. Ladies, you can’t use sex to get a guy. You’re only cheapening yourself. You are worth so much more. Sex won’t get the guy. The guy will always choose the girl who holds themselves up and is doing something with their lives.
Also ladies, please please please don’t get involved with men already in relationships. It doesn’t make anything look good. There are so many other men in the world, why get hung up on the it’s who have someone? And, if those guys are showing interest, turn around and run the other way. It will not turn up good for you. There usually are no exceptions. Don’t you want a relationship with a guy who will take you out? Don’t you want a relationship with a guy who will treat you like a queen? Don’t settle for less.

Women and Friends
I’m pretty sure I’ve spoken on the topic before. It’s still a topic I don’t understand fully and I’m a woman! How can woman be such powerful close friends and then be vicious enemies? Why does it have to be that way? I believe women should stick together and support each other. I have seen women shun their female friends when said friend doesn’t agree with choice of guys. Please believe that said friends mean no harm, they speak their concerns because they care. It’s hard when friends don’t agree with everything, but that doesn’t mean that the friends love for you is any less.

More later,
Xoxo
T

Married but Individuals. Happy Together Always

So here is something that really irks me.

I made a new friend and got closer to an old one. Well my husband and I have hung out with them a few times over the last few weeks. Great, we’re finally making friends and getting out of the house. I’m happy for that. Well then comes New Year’s Eve. On our way to our friend’s house, gps messed us up and we rang in the new year in my car. Not horrible horrible. Yeah I was slightly upset but hey, gotta make the most of a situation. At least I was with my husband. So we get to the friend’s house and as the night went on, I noticed that as the night went on, my two girl friends were talking more to each other than to me. Naturally I started feeling a little left out, so as I do when I feel left out, I shut down. Yes I know it’s not a good thing to do. Sue me. So the girls kept talking to each other and I’m stuck with the boys. They’d go off together and I was left with the boys. It was slightly awkward. So getting to the point of the whole story, I talked to one of the girls about it and she told me the one thing that I really hate hearing. She said that yeah it was hard to talk with a guy sitting between us (we were sitting in a U-shaped formation) and that “I have Dylan [my husband]”.

What the serious hell? 

Why is it that just because I’m married, some people seem to think that I must only talk to my husband. Just because my husband is around, doesn’t mean that he is the only one I must talk to or do talk to. I know that he and I make a point to not make people feel left out. We don’t over act like a married couple. We have found a comfortable balance so that way we still feel attached to each other when we’re around our friends but we don’t overdo it. 

Let’s get something straight here. Being married is about two people coming together. Yes they come together as one but the way I see it, two people shouldn’t lose their individuality just because they are married. I’m still me. My husband is still himself. We do a lot of things together because we didn’t have people to go out with. We were happy but we also realized that we can’t be everything the other needs. I need girlfriends. Girls I can go get my nails done with and do shopping and watch chick flicks. My husband needs guys to go do stuff with. Stuff like bowling, poker games, or whatever guys do. We will always do stuff with each other. I still hold firm that my husband is my best friend. We’ve been dating for three years and known each other for four years. For the last two and a half years, we’ve spent every day with each other. (obviously outside of work and school). We’re connected at the hip but we also are mature enough to know that we need some time to do things we enjoy doing that the other may not want to do. At least I come home to him every single night. 

Needless to say, I hate when people don’t talk to me or whatever because they use the excuse that I have my husband. Especially when we weren’t even standing next to each other for half the night. I am my own person. He is his own person. We’re married and we love each other but come on. If you don’t want to talk to me, just tell me. Don’t make up some lame-butt excuse of how I have my husband and that’s why you didn’t want to talk or hang. 

If you’re going to be my friend, be my friend and don’t make lame excuses. I’ll see right through them.

And I will call you out on it. 

Thanksgiving Thanks

Wow! Another Thanksgiving. Where has this year gone?
So my list of things that I’m thankful for.

1. My husband Dylan-for the last three years he has always been there for me. He supported me through college and never let me give up on my dreams. He has one of the sweetest, kindest, most loving soul I have ever met in a man. I love him so much and can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

2. My friends/family: Kerri, Lily, and Shane. Kerri and Lily were my roommates in college. I’ve known Shane since high school (six years now). Throughout the time I’ve known them, they are my most loyal friends who have always stuck by me though every thing. They are blunt, they are there whenever I need them, and they’ve even let me cry on their shoulder (literally, slobbered up their clothes and they still held me). You can’t find friends like these anywhere else. With them in my life, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

3. My family- obviously I don’t have to say much. They helped me throughout my life and helped me through college. I am especially thankful for everything

4. For the friends I’ve lost, thank you for showing me what a friend isn’t. Thank you for walking away and taking away my crutch. Thanks to them, I’ve become my own person. A strong, independent, black WOMAN. No longer do I feel like I’m in anyone’s shadow. I am me. I am Tiffany. So thank you. I miss you but thank you for walking away.

5. Above all I’m thankful for GOD. Thank you because without you, I’d be nothing!

There’s my list of things I’m thankful for this year. Sometimes you can be thankful for the things you thought broke you the most.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Blogtember Day 12

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Marriage and Women

Hmm…I’m going to talk about marriage.
But I’m going to talk about my experience with marriage that changed friendships.
Recently I discovered that my friend of 20 years (yes that is TWENTY YEARS) stopped talking to me because I got married and it hurt her seeing my wedding pictures on Facebook. I couldn’t believe her at first when she told me. I mean friends don’t do that do they? But apparently they do.
I never rubbed my impending nuptials in her. I was never a bridezilla either. So I ask, why would she drop out?
The answer? Jealousy. Ladies when you get married, expect your female friends who aren’t married to shy away from you and expect your relationships with those female friends to change. By the way, it sucks. On the bright side, you’re marrying the love of your life.
Now I’m not saying every female in your life will hate you. I’m saying that some will wish they were you. Every female I know loves weddings. The dress, the veil, the attention-weddings are beautiful. I know I want another wedding and I just got married!
Anyways, ladies who are getting married, be careful of the females in your life that aren’t married. Don’t rub it in her face. Think of how you would feel if you were in her shoes and be honest with yourself.
Ladies, if your friend is getting married, please try your hardest to be happy for her. It might not be easy watching your female friends grow up and get married but the friendship will be worth it.

Blogtember Day 1 (A Little Late)

So even though I’m slightly behind, I have decided to take part in Blogtember. I’m excited to share my story. So, without further adieu, Blogtember Day 1

Who am I?

That’s a deep question. Sometimes I don’t know who I am. Sometimes I do know who I am. For so many years, I’ve lived in the shadow of someone else. Now that I’m not in that shadow, I have to figure out the me that I want to be.

The basic stuff about me is I’m 22 year old woman who recently graduated from Rollins College with a Bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education. Right out of college, I got married to my boyfriend of three years and also got a job. I’m African-American and very stubborn. I know what I believe in but I am also open-minded. I can be one of the sweetest people you will ever meet and I genuinely care about those who choose to confide in me. I’m the type of person who will put down what she is doing to help someone in need. Have I been taken advantage of? Yes but I don’t let that deter me. When I put my mind to something, I get it done. I don’t let anyone stop me from reaching my goals. I have three pets-a dog named Dandy, a kitten named Ophelia, and a bunny named Precious. To put it simply, I love taking care of things and I love being taken care of in return. I guess you could say I need love considering I got so little of it from the people I needed it from the most growing up. If you read my first post “Betrayal”, It will give you an insight to friends that I’ve had. A secret is that until recently I’ve never heard my mother say she’s proud of me. 

I’m who I am today because of four main people in my life. Two ex-best friends, a current best friend, and my husband. The ex-besties showed me what not to look for in a friend. They showed me how even people you trust can be absolutely selfish with their lives and completely dumb when it comes to staying in abusive relationships. I’m not judging but it is sad when you have friends who leave you when you know you’re getting abused by different people in your life. I’ve been hit, emotionally abused, and mentally abused. They knew this and they still left. One even had the nerve to say that it was my fault. Yeah, harsh right? Honestly that’s the worst thing to say to someone who’s being abused. If it weren’t for my true friends and my now husband, honestly I might not be here today. 

My husband helped me find the courage to believe in myself and my capabilities. He made me feel beautiful and brought me out from under the shadows of other people. He helped me and stood by me when everything else in my life seemed to be going downhill. My other best friend was the one who was brutally honest with me. Funny how the two people least likely to stay, stayed. 

Anyways, that’s pretty much me summed. If you want to know anymore, just ask! 

Betrayal

Sometimes there are times when you look back in life and wonder how you got to where you are. 

First I’ll start with friends. I’ve had a handful of best friends throughout my life. My elementary school best friends and I just naturally grew apart. That’s what happens when you go to different schools. There were no hard feelings though and I still hear from them every now and then. Middle school best friends grew into high school best friends. I evolved as a person. Some high school best friends carried over into college. Then life hit. Significant others came into the picture and priorities were screwed up. You know that saying those loyalty sayings boys and girls have? Yeah that all goes out the window when someone comes along. It’s not always a bad thing though. One of my high school best friends was the best man in my wedding. He was also the least likely person that anyone would have ever expected me to stay friends with. Yet the people that I was really close to have all disappeared. Why? I’m not entirely sure. Sometimes I want to blame myself for what happened and then there are occasions that I know weren’t in my control. I miss the old people that I used to know and love. 

Then I grew up…

I realized the games and the joking and the goofing off has got to end somewhere. I was growing up and wanting things out of life that some of my friends didn’t want yet. I wanted marriage and a family and love. Some wanted drinks and partying and no commitments. I’m not judging but it’s hard to maintain a friendship when your ideas of fun are two different things. 

Then came the jealousy and the non support. I wanted to get married right out of college. Apparently to some I was too young to get married. Why you ask? Because of my age. I was 22 when I tied the knot. Apparently to some I was throwing my life away. I lost two of my best friends soon after I got engaged. Luckily I didn’t let their opinions (or non-opinions) stop me from following my dream. The secret though? I miss them. I miss the fun we used to have together-the laughs, the jokes, the deep conversations. I still wonder what happened to us? Then I remember that our lives probably weren’t meant to cross forever. It’s sad though. Who knew jealousy and honesty could ruin everything. 

Then there’s my family. I’m not going to say to much about because honestly things are getting better now. I grew up in abuse and heartache. And that’s where it hurts the most is that my so called best friends knew this and they didn’t care. In fact, one said it was my fault that I was abused. 

I didn’t let anything break me though. Sadly the pain is still there but I keep on chasing my dreams. I even made some come true after everything I’ve been through. 

Leave whatever comment you want.